I was 21-years-old and finishing up college when I became pregnant. I wasn’t prepared to have a child and neither was the baby’s father. It was the hardest decision I ever made, but I decided to give the baby up for adoption. When it was time to deliver, I braced myself for the heartbreak of saying goodbye to my baby girl. I had purchased a heart-shaped locket to give to her, so someday she would hopefully know that I did love her, when I made that difficult decision. I decided to leave the information regarding her adoption open to her new parents, so if she ever decided to find me it would be possible.
The day I delivered her was the happiest and saddest day of my life. She was so beautiful. She had a full head of dark black hair and a heart-shaped face. I had spent a lot of time selecting parents for my biological daughter. They were both educated, successful and more importantly kind and ready to be parents. I handed over my baby girl and gave them the heart-shaped locket with the inscription that I had put so much thought into that read, “My Beloved”.
Five years later, I had a successful career and was happily married. I had never forgotten my baby girl but trusted that I had made the right decision. Even with my current success and stability, I still believed I had made the right decision. I often wondered if the parents would contact me someday. My husband and I discovered that we could not conceive a child. After much thought it occurred to me that this was also an opportunity for an unprepared mother, a child that needed a loving home and for a mother that wanted a child.
We contacted an adoption agency and went through the lengthy process. There were several times we were expecting to bring a baby home but things always fell through. Our adoption agent called one day with an unexpected suggestion. She had a five-year-old girl who had lost both of her parents and needed a home. She knew that we wanted a baby, but wanted us to consider adopting an older child. It didn’t take long for me to realize that this was the blessing we had been waiting for!
We got together with the agent and finalized everything. It was a difficult story she shared with us. The little girl’s family had adopted her when she was a baby and had been killed in an accident leaving behind their daughter with no one to care for her.
The day had arrived. We waited anxiously and excitedly for the little girl’s arrival. It was time, the doorbell chimed and we went to meet our daughter. She was beautiful. Long black hair with a heart-shaped face. It was as if God had sent this beautiful child to me to fill the hole in my heart. That’s when I saw a shimmer peeking out from around her neck. What could the odds be of this little girl wearing a heart-shaped locket? I asked her timidly if I could look at the beautiful necklace. Her little face lit up with this request and with hands shaking I reached forward and opened the tiny locket. There inside was the inscription I had so thoughtfully written five years earlier, “My Beloved.”
Image via Wikipedia
We have all experienced being bullied in our lives. Sometimes we are the victims and sometimes the aggressor. What spurs people to bully? Does it make us feel better about ourselves? If we are bullied as children are we more likely to become a bully as an adult?
My 12-year-old son was bullied unmercifully last year at school. As seen in recent media this is a common occurrence that theoretically is no longer tolerated. I called the school and addressed the situation to no avail. Eventually, you give your child tools to help them navigate through those situations. You also tell your child that it will get better when they are adults. It doesn’t, but how we choose to deal with it does.
Recently, I have noticed a new outlet for bullies. Forum bullies. As a newbie, I have been more of an observer on the forum then a participator. Everyone starts posting with the belief and intent to share their ideas or feelings with others. Whether it is philosophy or the daily trials and tribulations, we share and hope others take away something from it. So we post and wait with abated breath for the comments and followers to come. Then you hear it, the cricket sound, “chirp chirp.” Now I have to admit, I have been pleasantly surprised at the response my posts have received. Much to my chagrin, the smallest of affirmations, sends my happy meter through the roof!
Like most of us, I decided to venture into the forum. After all, what better way to spend our time then with others we share a common passion! Most of us decide to join in the fray of commentary on the forum and our first question is usually the same. “How do I get followers?” Now if you are one of the unlucky ones, you make the mistake of typing in all caps, “PLEASE READ MY NEW BLOG.” This is a huge mistake. You will immediately get a response back asking why you are typing in all caps because this is akin to shouting in blogger’s language. Among other common newbie errors is asking for instructions. This question will bring on a resounding response of, “there are tutorials provided by WordPress or figure it out yourself!” You might even hear a rapid-firing of vents from an experienced blogger complaining about how when they started out they had to figure it all out for themselves and maybe you should get off your butt and give that a try. Any of this sound familiar?
Experienced bloggers post a wealth of knowledge and lively entertainment and do deserve admiration and respect. Forum bullies should be ignored and not rewarded. What is the reward of being a forum bully? Are people sitting in their pajamas with a hot steaming cup of coffee just waiting to pounce and show their state of superiority? Does one gain pleasure from this activity? I may never know the answer, but I think we should support and teach one another. If I ever become an experienced blogger, I hope that I can share my knowledge and make the transitions for a newbie a little less painful. I am but one person, but I will continue to be supportive and kind and if that makes me weak then so be it. I look forward to reading everyone’s blogs from experienced writers to newbies and will continue to participate in the forum. Now in summary, I say to all my fellow newbies, “BLOG ON!”
disclaimer: Not all experienced bloggers are bullies 🙂