We have all felt it, the pressure to want something we don’t really want. Our society says we should want to have that “someone special” but what if we don’t? Or at least what if we don’t all the time. I find myself sitting on the fencepost trying to decide which pasture to jump into. Truthfully, maybe sitting up here isn’t so bad. I can watch the folly of those around me and make bystander observations.
When I was married and interacted with single counterparts, I was always curious as to whether the content ones were really that happy. They would work and go home, and pursue what I assumed to be lonely unfulfilled activities. My heart ached for them. My marriage was the ideal option. Wasn’t it?
So after my twelve-year marriage ended abruptly, I was alone for the first time.
Now flash forward one year post divorce. I am starting to think the people my heart ached for have things figured out. Zen perhaps. When I accept being alone and embrace it, I can achieve satisfaction from my current lifestyle. When surrounded by social standards and expectations, I falter. I even tried a dating website without success.
So the question is becomes am I truly happy alone or trying to convince myself that I am? For now I will straddle the fence, whilst dangling my feet, watch and maybe someday have a moment of clarity.